I question if this is the earth’s way of telling us we’re making a grave mistake. I’m so exhausted. I just need a glimmer of light. Something, someone to tell me where I’m going wrong.

You always told me I was what held it all together. But now it seems I’m the one who destroys. I have no ability since the beginning of time, to hold anything together. I only destroy it even though I thought I was loving  with all my night and trying  my hardest to make you happy. I lack in all ways and it’s tiring trying to do better because I don’t know how to solve anything anymore.

Nothing hurts more than this realisation that I am after all, insufficient.

These days I do nothing but choke on my tears and feel my throat closing up on me. I don’t know anything anymore. I only know how unsafe and completely terrified  I feel

Pain

It is a vicious cycle that if not stopped in time, can go awry.

The truth I don't speak about is that love is scary. It's the scariest thing I find to exist in this world. When love is so deep and becomes one-sided, you question where you go from there, how you carry on. But that's the thing, you must carry on and refrain from dwelling about it. This act of dwelling only sends you deeper into seclusion and is something doesn't allow you to pick yourself as readily.

I work to my bones to ensure nothing falls apart. Is that being unhealthy? I always ask myself.

I have yet to find an answer.

But it seems that what I put on the table is always being deemed as one who is insane. They always say "The standards you are providing and expecting in return is too high to reach". I never knew how to react whenever arguments ensued and I was thrown such words.

I still question if the way I love is wrong. I am pretty sure it is but I guess only time will tell.

Where do I go. What do I do. I am afraid and lost.

I can’t make your heart feel something it won’t. Here in the dark, in these final hours, I would lay down my heart if I had the power

Here we sit wondering if there’s more to this that has been kept away. Here I lay with an aching chest.  Silly, no one sillier than me.