over dependency

A sheep was lost and found and then suddenly added into the herd of already over familiarised sheep in the morning, is the exact description of how I always fail to feel when Tim goes back to camp. To think I will have to handle another month of his absence once again. How can I deny that this really is what you call over dependency. I hope I have such feelings when it comes to my partner in future and hopefully when I finally do, I get to marry him. There is such high level of toughness, patience and courage you need to gather to want and to have dependency on a particular someone. Or at least it is this way to me. Also, it is awfully tiring and has a high percentage of it back firing on you. It is like risking every single one of your "strong and tall walls" that you have painstakingly built up. Your salty sweat that drips constantly from the rim of your nose and from every single one of your sharp features, all gone down and leaving nothing. How? How do you try to buy your bricks, carry them back, and place and mend them just the way they were - unbreakably strong? And then you have to welcome a new man to your newly built heart, praying as hell he will finally be the one to walk down the aisle with.

But still after all these hows, I suppose we all find a way out to built it all up again.