Where?

This is perhaps the longest that i've been away from writing - whether in ink or in fonts. It feels almost like a stranger upon coming back here, upon coming back to writing. Just so you know, I stared at this site for almost an hour not because I do not have anything to pen but because the words aren't forming up well enough. I can't seem to reach to them. Feels like they're playing hide and seek. I wish words would spill now because i'm holding on to what is falling apart and my strength is depleting with every ticking second.

My hazy knowledge of who is holding out to me and who never was at all is becoming even vaguer. Like a test of some sort, i'm treading water but not drowning yet. Been fighting, been fighting so long and so hard that after a very long while, I don't exactly know what i've been fighting for in the first place. You don't know what you have garnered after a very time consuming and draining war.

I need tears to fall but it's clear enough how hard it's backing from me. So as I go to sleep, I wish it'd hold onto me fervently. I wish nothing but sleep surrounds me and holds me within.