Man... Something ain't right. This ain't right. Bleak bleak bleak ending if ima pursue this. I don't know what I can do however.

//

Either way, dead lifting starts right after this. I reckon i'd probably only be able to carry half the weights I do for squats? Nah ok i'm gonna be fearless and go for 40kg. Work my way around it and see how that goes. It's time to start with 50kg with squats (more more more if possible). I'll set the safety bars higher probably. Been on stagnation for far too long. Let cautiousness get the best of you and you will never see progress. Good luck though to glutes and legs day but it is all for the greater good.

Haha onto some great news, my triceps are still hurting like a bitch and that last session was 2 days ago.Time to bring it up a notch come Wednesday perhaps? It's time I get out of the usual splits.

Oh and before I end this off, I'm honestly glad I stuck onto what I believed in, took what I felt would benefit me and kept at the back of my mind what wouldn't (just to be prudent cause you never know if it'll come in handy in future). So much discouragement gotten from working on my lower body but I was pretty damn stubborn about it and worked on them despite the fear I had. I had a vision in mind and honestly, though I did look bigger in the process, I have absolutely no regrets. This honestly serves as a reminder to myself to trust my instincts better and to just dive into the unknown. I'd rather try and be uncertain if i'll get to the vision in my head than to not follow my own desires.

I'd really rather try, fail and fix the issue. Nothing is permanent anyway, so why am I always so quick to trust others' discouragement, to believe that I will not reach where I desire? Haha now that it is written out, it's quite funny ain't it, how I hardly trust myself enough, how I never celebrate myself enough?

I am proud of my courage. It's such a small deal, but I am so proud of myself. I hope this always serves as a reminder to myself, how I am capable of so much more, that I was courageous despite all those discouragements around me. The disapproving words from others were clearly not futile at all. I've been slow, i've regressed, but I haven't yet given up.

On a side note, I honestly want more swolemates. Like a huge bunch where we can just hang and have food thereafter. I do wish my friends were more of a fitness junkie and that we vibed on all levels. Man this sucks :'(  What's with my sociability? Beats me.

So much talk in this space. It's both great and not but you gotta take what you've got and make the best out of it. I'm so fucking glad this space is private as hell.