Warning

I have found that no amount of time will ever make one sure enough of carrying out certain decisions. That to me is the scariest part of life. That when the contract (whether self created or legitimate) is signed, what that lies ahead is nothing that we can foresee. Someone recently told me that even after 10 years, she wasn't quite sure. She was rather self-blaming but I could understand where she came from. I'm starting to wonder, what traits can make us more certain? But traits.. Don't traits waver somehow or another? How can we ever bank on them and say we are and will be safe no matter the years ahead?

I can be sure of me because I know how rooted I am just in general, that my traits have only grown to be bigger than what they once were, that my dedication is so much that it might just backfire on me if what that lies ahead of this contract is nothing but a disaster. I think we all face this terrible insecurity. The fear that what we have to offer will not be what another has to offer, that we'll be on the losing end, that our sacrifices of love will always be greater. After all, we're separate individuals with love that differs in intensity and dedication. If anything, this will always be one of the most devastating fact that I have come to realise in life. It's been years but it still torments all that I ever wished for.

Is there true love, a love that meets in the middle? Is one party always on a losing end? Is that how it all is? I'm never quite sure about such matters. I never have been. Questions, a million unanswered, only deeds to scrutinise.